Jumbled.

I've tried to write this post about four times, each filled with jumbled words, senseless sentences, and nothing from my heart. Trying to explain my week last week isn't what I want to do, because I didn't enjoy last week at all. Last week was filled with both bad and good, as does every week and everyday in each person’s life. For me however, the bad outweighed the good, and I spent a great deal of the week in tears. Why, you may ask? One word that every exchanger will be thoroughly familiar with: homesickness.

I don’t really want to dwell on last week, as it wasn’t a very nice week for me. I was hit with a bout of homesickness, stronger than any other that I've ever experienced before, and spent a great deal of my time crying. It was a hard week, especially because my host family didn’t really understand why I would be homesick, and neither did the other exchange students. I wanted and needed comfort, and felt like I couldn’t get any. It was a sucky week, something that I don’t wish to repeat again.

Being homesick sucks.

I started writing this blog post, planning on going into every detail of how I felt, and everything that I did. I want my family and friends to know that exchange is difficult, and that there are things that don’t always go the way we’ve planned. I want to describe to you that sick-in-the-stomach feeling you get, where you can’t eat, can’t think, without wanting to cry because you miss everything, everyone so much. I want you understand going through the emotions of having everything around you fine, but still feel horrible. I had been feeling great, on top of the world. I had friends, I could speak Spanish, I was happy with my family. I didn’t understand why I felt so homesick, so pained, when everything was going fine. I still don’t understand. Understanding homesickness is important, but what I learnt from my week is more important.

I felt and still feel alone. I am a Christian in a non-Christian area. I have no Christian or religious friends, I don’t have a church to attend, and feel often alone in a place with no Christian fellowship, community or encouragement. Last week I felt that I had no one, that I was alone, and had no one to comfort me. My brother, Brad, sent me an email a couple of days ago that greatly brightened me up.

“It must be really difficult being so disconnected from a church. God saves us into community and the body of Christ is so important for daily life following Jesus. Even though you're in Spain, it's important to know that you are not alone. That we are bound together in Christ and that you are a part of what God is doing all around the world as God has mercy on many.”

I so often complain about being ‘alone’ that I often forget that God is still always with me, that I still have my family and friends with me. They may not be here in Spain, but they are always only a Skype call away. Being on exchange, you often have to learn to be your own best friend. Learn to enjoy doing things by yourself, and exploring where you live. I think I do this pretty well, but there are always those times where you just wish you had someone to talk with, that has known you longer than your time in Spain.

That week was a big eye opener to the fellowship I still have with my friends and family and the Christian community, even though I’m so far away. When I was feeling incredibly homesick, I decided to write some poetry, and Hebrews 13:5-6 came to mind.

For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we may boldly say: "The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

It is so easy to feel alone, to be filled with fear and lose hope, even over the simplest and smallest things. This verse is a huge encouragement to me, knowing that God will never leave me nor forsake me. Exchange isn’t easy. Homesickness isn’t easy. Feeling alone isn’t easy. But bringing everything back to God, and relying on him through everything changes it all.

This is an extremely jumbled post as it’s been stopped, started, stopped, started, rewritten, and have had no idea what to write about or say! Months of not writing does that to you, I suppose.

This week has been somewhat better. On Monday, we had a birthday party for one of my friends at school, as she was turning 17 on Tuesday. We went to the movies and saw Charlie St Cloud (Siempre a Mi Lado in Spanish). It was my first birthday party that I have been to since I’ve been in Spain, and the feeling of inclusion, acceptance, and friendship was overwhelming. I am loving having Spanish friends, conversing with them in Spanish, telling jokes and understanding jokes in Spanish, and living the Spanish life. This week has been a week of acceptance, as I am beginning to realize that my exchange year is winding down. I have been speaking with Mum and Dad about my plans for the next couple of months, and they are filling up quickly! I am hoping to travel throughout the month of January, though I’m not sure where or with who. I have no idea where I am spending Christmas at present, as my host family may be overseas for the Christmas break. I am having to start sorting these things out, which is both incredibly exciting and a little daunting, as it makes me realize how little time I have left in Spain. There are 76 days left until Christmas, so I have at least another 76 days left in my dear Tudela. Thinking of my time left on exchange in mere days is incomprehensible. I came on exchange expecting Christmas to never come, that my wind down period would be far off in the distance, but I am beginning to realize that it is just around the corner! In saying that, I still have a little less than four months until I touch down in Australia, which is a reasonable amount of time. But time flies when you’re having fun!

I have also been getting excited for things that I’ve left behind; uni, friends, family, sleepovers, work, Bonnie, Church, driving, the smell of Australia, my bedroom, the small things I call home.

I feel like I am on the fine line of having so much left of my exchange, and the winding down period. It is difficult to try and get my emotions in sync, and know where my head is meant to be with stage of my exchange so far.

This past week I have had to tell myself to stop looking at the future, of my plans in Australia, the fun times to be had, the return to normality and Australian culture, and look at the present. There are always things happening here in Spain and in Tudela, and I don’t want to miss out on these things because I am focusing on what will be happening. This week is the equivalent of Australia Day. October 12 is the day of Hispanics. It is the day celebrating all things Spanish and South American.

Zaragoza is a city about 45 minutes away from where we live, and it holds the Basilica del Pilar. Pilar is the saint for all Spanish people, so October 12 is incredibly important there, and there are lots of activities happening this weekend. I am going to be staying in the apartment that we have in Zaragoza, going to Bull fights, seeing Spanish dancing, going to free concerts, eating a lot of food, experiencing more Spanish culture.

Something that I love so incredibly much about the Spanish is their joy for life. They celebrate in a way that is so unique and so lively. I’m extremely excited to go and see the celebrations and take part in them, especially in Zaragoza, as Pilar is there.

I am about to head off, so I will leave it where I am. Sorry for the lack of posting, the jumbled-ness of this post, and the lack of interesting things in it! I promise that I will be writing more in these coming weeks. I love writing in my blog, I love sharing what I have to share, but life often gets in the way. (Or my laziness does!)

I'll leave you with a verse that greatly challenged me this week. It is from Acts 5 where the Apostles are persecuted. They leave the town after being flogged and it says,

"The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name... they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Messiah."

Acts 5:41-42

Juventudes..

3 months.

3 months without writing. What an amazing three months they've been. I have been incredibly busy, loving and embracing life, that my blog really became one of the last things on my mind. But, real life has once again started, and with that, my mind has been mentally writing this, eagerly awaiting to put my hands on this keyboard and recreate what I've been up to. I really have enjoyed writing this blog. It has made me realise how much I really do enjoy writing, they joy it brings me, and I'm glad I'll have this little memoir to look back on. I have about five blogs half written about my three-month holiday, and decided that I'd get stuck into this past week, before it finishes and I never get around to writing it! So, be prepared for more blogs, but for now, just know that these summer holidays have been amazing. I had the great opportunity to see much of Europe (France, England, Barcelona, Valencia, Madrid, Santander, Sweden, Latvia), and that I feel like my time away has enhanced and made me realise how great my life in Spain really is.

So, this past week... the start of the all familiar routine, the start of school, the end of summer...

I arrived home from Sweden on the Monday night at 11:30pm, after having woken up at 4:50am that morning, to originally catch a plane from Stockholm to Copenhagen, Copenhagen to Madrid. Because of different circumstances that I'll tell you about in later blogs, I ended up flying from Stockholm to Copenhagen, Copenhagen to Frankfurt, and then Frankfurt to Madrid. Four countries in eight small hours. I had so much fun! But I arrived dead tired, sick with tonsillitis, and the last thing I felt like doing was going to school the next day. (Especially because my luggage had decided not to turn up at the airport and had no clothes!) So I slept in, and woke up nice and rested. It was so lovely to see my host family again, and be finally re-immersed into the lovely Spanish language. What a lovely language it is! At around 12pm, I went to school to get myself enrolled, but when I turned up they bluntly told me that there were no spaces for me. María Antonia was a bit stumped, and told me that I'd have to come back the next day, and if there were problems, to call JYC (Exchange organisation). When I arrived at school the next day, I heard that all-too-familiar foreign voice speaking Spanish. I glanced around and saw two blonde haired, blue eyed teenagers standing at the front office, speaking in Spanish. Every exchange student immediately loves other exchange students, as only other exchange students can really relate to what we go through. After chatting with them, I found out that they (Charlie, 18 and Aubrey, 16) were from America, and were here for a year. It was great that they were there, because the staff actually took care of us, and their host parents made sure I was given a place at the school. I left very content, looking forward to my first day at school!

I rocked up at school at about 8:50am the next day, a little nervous, not knowing if I'd still have friends, if they'd even remember me... (I had spent the past three months away from Tudela, either travelling with my host family, or travelling on my own, so hadn't had the chance to reconnect with anyone back in Tudela.) We got registered, and were given our timetables (Charlie and I ended up being in the same classes) and we headed off to our first class, maths. The head of studies knocked on the door, and with my stomach full of knots, we entered and he introduced me, while I smiled slightly and quickly surveyed the room, to find, to my surprise that there were about 5 students from my old class! I quickly sat down next to a girl in the front row, and was amazed by how much I understood. I had been really nervous that I wouldn't understand anything (like last year) and not be able to follow anything. I was completely shocked to be able to understand more or less everything he was saying (and this was in maths!). What a feeling it is, to see the language that is so foreign to so many people, click. To be able to understand a language with such ease. I'm pretty sure I had a huge grin all throughout maths, even though in Australia I hated maths, and didn't study it for the HSC. After the class ended, I got up and walked over to my old classmates, who seemed excited to see me, and we chatted about the summer. I could communicate with them with such ease, which was completely different from before the summer. Before the summer, I could communicate with them, but found it a huge struggle, and because of my lack of confidence in my language skills, I was quite shy. The next class started, and I could hear my classmates talking about how well I could speak, and how much I had improved. Oh what a joy it is to hear that. Thursday and Friday went swiftly, with me really enjoying the classes and the people and finally comprehending that I can understand another language.

That weekend was the fiesta for Juventudes, the Youth Festival. I was invited by some classmates to go, so at 4pm I left the house and met up with Charlie, the American, and went to the plaza de los toros, the bull ring, where the fiesta was starting. The bullring is basically like a circular stadium, with the tiered seating, the bull fighting area, and the inside bit that’s underneath the tiered seating. All around the inside bit, under the tiered seating was a huge long row of tables that ran the full length of the circular inside bit, completing a circle, with 500 people sitting and eating. It was a crazy atmosphere with lots of singing, people being joyous. Nothing had started yet, as they were still eating, so I went with Charlie, his host mum, and host cousin, and we had a coffee. We got talking about her job, and it turns out she worked in Venezuela for a number of years, working within the impoverished communities, building them up. Her life story is an amazing one, and her career so much like what I want to be doing (and what I will be studying at uni next year). I could have talked to her for hours, and felt incredibly blessed to be have given the opportunity to talk to her. I hope to go out for coffee with her soon, and talk to her more about her work in Venezuela. When the festivities had started, we walked into the middle of the bullring, and I really felt like I had stepped into a movie. I stepped onto the bright yellow-orange sand, dust surrounding me. Spaniards, all wearing the traditional white clothing with the red pañuelos, surrounded me. Spanish music was being played, and I looked around and saw a part of Spain that is so typical. That sort of typical, where when you ask someone to describe Spain, they tell you paella, forever summery weather, bullrings, flamenco, passionate, friendly people…

I spent the next couple of hours in that bullring, listening to two horrible comedians, dancing, and meeting new people. I used to dread, fear, hate meeting new people, because I’d get ridiculously nervous and forget how to speak Spanish, and would just swallow my tongue and look like a stunned mullet. Now though, I love meeting new people, talking Spanish, and just enjoying different people’s company. I met a group of younger guys, who were friends of Charlie’s host brother, some uni girls who were all 21 (finally some girls my age!) and some other people. It was really lovely to hang out with them, get to know them a little… although; it was a little difficult to hear anything apart from the music, as it was so loud.

At around 8pm the event ended, so everyone made their way out onto the street, where a marching band was waiting. There were hundreds of kids all walking down to the beat of the music, all singing a song (can’t remember the lyrics), singing, stopping, dropping to the ground, jumping up, all in unison. It was this great big street of joyous celebration, and all I could think about was how much that I loved Spain, and the Spanish culture. It was something that I hadn’t really experienced before, at least, that the new confident Laura had experienced. Charlie and I went to his host brother’s cuarto. A cuarto is a completely foreign concept to most people, so I’ll do my best to describe it accurately. A lot of people have cuartos. Normally you get a group of people together (For example, Ana, my host sister is getting a cuarto and is sharing it with 33 other people.) and rent out a room, an apartment or a small house. These ‘rooms’, or ‘cuartos’ are normally run down, cheap, and not very nice. They are normally filled with old furniture and are basically a place where the people come together to hang out, smoke, drink, and have fun without being in the open or in a home where you have to worry if you break anything. I understand why people have them, but personally would not like to spend all my time in them, because I find most of them disgustingly dirty!

We weren’t at the cuarto for long, because it was about 10 pm and we were all pretty hungry! We went to Telepizza (Telepizza is like Pizza Hut) and ate pizzas for dinner. We still had some time to spare before the next fun bit started, so Charlie and I went to get a coffee at a bar. I had a really nice time just relaxing, chatting, and before we knew it, it was 12:30, so we made our way down to El Tubo. For those of you who don’t know what El Tubo is, it’s a street full of bars where the kids go to drink, socialise, have fun. It was Charlie’s first time down into El Tubo and he was incredibly shocked, as the legal age to drink in the US is 21, and El Tubo is filled of children as young as 13 years old! While we were there, we met some people from our class, hung out with them for a while and had lots of fun making new friends. After about 40 minutes, I turned around to see three of my really good friends that I hung out with last year in the same room. I hadn’t seen them in three months, and was really excited to see them. I hung out with them for the rest of the night, and felt so incredibly happy to have the friends that I have here in Spain. Violeta, one of the girls, is still at school, so I hang out with her in the breaks, and it’s lovely to be with her as she is a genuinely lovely girl, who has a very kind heart. I got home that night at 4:45am and posted on my facebook,

“Currently 4:45am and have just gotten home from literally 12 hours of dancing, socialising, and meeting new people. Loving Tudela so much right now, and the people that are in it! Loving having friends, finally feeling a sense of belonging, understanding Spanish... feel incredibly blessed with the life I've been given!”

I really do feel like I am living a different exchange experience after the summer. I feel like I’m experiencing a different Tudela, a different exchange period. Same people, same town, different experience. And I love it. I spent the past week at school, getting into the work, trying to do as much as I can, and I have to say that I’m really enjoying maths. I don’t understand it all, but I am trying, and I think that’s why I’m enjoying it. When we were in Sweden, Mum told me that I wasn’t bad at maths, and that I shouldn’t say that I’m terrible, as I have told myself these past couple of years. So, now, I am just a person who doesn’t understand everything, but is trying. And that’s ok for me. (Anyone want to tutor me in maths?!) On Monday I finished my antibiotics from when I was sick, and by Thursday I was sick again, so I have spent the majority of this weekend in bed!

I’m looking forward to get back to school, to learn more, speak more Spanish, make more friends and embrace the small time I have left in Spain. I am continually surprised by the how quickly the time has gone! I only have about three months left here in Tudela, before I go off and explore the world for a couple of weeks before heading home. Crazy stuff. Well, I’m off to eat my Spanish food with my Spanish family, speaking Spanish, and then will probably do some more Spanish things… because that’s what exchange students do in Spain!

He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:6 (AMP)

Vacaciones

These past couple of weeks have flown by incredibly fast, including time to blog! A couple of days ago, I sat down to get started on another post (I think it was this past Monday... five days ago) and wrote this much:

"Ok, so today isn't the tomorrow I was talking about in my last post, but, at least it's in the same week, not"

when I hear a buzzing at the door, and real life starts back up again. Finding time to myself, now that everyone is on holidays, and everyone has the same amount of free time as me is becoming difficult! I am currently sitting in my bedroom, listening to the thunder roll over our house, as the clouds darken the summery sky, with the vuvuzelas humming in the background while I watch the Ghana against Uruguay game (currently 1-1!)

I have been absolutely loving these past couple of weeks of holidays, relaxing, exploring, hanging out with Spanish friends...

I finished school on the 11th of June, and from the 11th until the 18th, I was the only one on school holidays. I spent this time wandering around the streets of Tudela, having coffee after coffee, and watching the world cup, and preparing for Fiesta de la Eti! Fiesta de la Eti, is a celebration of the end of university (Eti is the name of the university in Tudela), and with this, the end of schooling for another year. Every year is made up of different classes. For example, in primero bachillerto (the equivalent of year 11) there were six classes, 1A, 1B, 1C,1D, 1E (my class!) and 1F. For Fiesta de la Eti, each of the classes have a class dinner, and then go to a botellón. Our class met at the Plaza Nueva for dinner at 10pm. Adjowa and I came at around 10:30, after finishing watching the world cup game of Ghana against Serbia... a disappointing draw. We had all previously paid 6 euros for alcohol, and then had a really cheap dinner (I had pizza... for 2 euros!) before trekking to a random (I really have no idea where we were!) little grassy spot to start our botellón. A botellón directly translates to bottle. It is where a group of people go to a specific place, for us it was the grassy hill, for others it may be by the river where I live, and socialise... After the botellón, we all made our way to El Tubo, which is a street in Tudela, filled with bars, where people can go and dance, drink and socialise. I left quite early, around 2:45 am, because I was heading to Madrid the next morning, but I had a really lovely time spending a good couple of quality hours with my class outside of the classroom.



I got home at around 3, and was in bed and sleeping by 3:05! I slept like a baby until I heard my alarm clock waking me up at 5:50 am. A couple of days beforehand, my host sister told me that she was going to Madrid with her class on the Saturday, the day after Fiesta de la Eti. I immediately asked why, and was told that she was going to a theme park. For those of you who know me, I love going to things like Zoos, theme parks, going on adventures, so I immediately wanted to go with her... María Antonia (my host mum) was supposed to go as a parent helper, but she let me go instead of her. We left at 6:15 in the morning, and I slept the whole bus trip down there. I felt a little out of it, cause I didn't really feel like one of the kids, as I'm 8 years older than all of them, but not quite one of the adults. At the park it was scorching hot, and because of the bad weather we'd been having, I had dressed in pants. I sat down, rolled my pants up, joined to the group of María, her two friends and the parents of her friends, and started wandering around.

In Spain, when you go on wet water rides, you wear rain coats! No one bothers on getting wet, they prefer to stay dry.

I loved going to Warner Bros. Movie World, as it reminded me so much of family holidays and of America. We went on the rides, watched the shows, ate greasy food, laughed and had fun. It was an extremely rewarding day, which I really loved, and a day where I got to speak a lot of Spanish, which was a really nice change! We ended up getting home at 4am in the morning the next day, 22 hours after we had left. How crazy that they return children home from an excursion at four in the morning!

Since then, I haven't really done much, but hang out by the pool. My family are part of a club called Arenas, which I can only really describe to you as a country club. To give you some understanding of it, it costs 250ish euros per month to be a member of it. It has two pools, saunas, tennis courts, paddle courts, a gym, a cafetería, a ludoteca (childcare place) and I get to go for free! My pass is a pass where I can only go with the kids, so I go most days with a towel, some board games or card games, my book, my music, and a euro. I spend about four hours there a day, hanging out with the kids, swimming, sitting under the thatched roofed umbrellas, sipping my hot coffee, reading my book, enjoying the summer vibes. It really is lovely most of the time. My daily routine at the moment is getting up at 9, going to Arenas at around 10:30 or 11, come home for lunch at 3, relax a little then at five play with Javier, or go out with Ana or María, or go back to Arenas, go swimming in our pool, fit in a game or two of soccer, have dinner, talk to people back at home, and go to bed. Although it seems like a day of just relaxing, it is a full day of relaxing, all the time with other people, which can get a little tiring on its own.

I have finally finished the sixth book of Harry Potter. A little sad I must say, as I now realise I only have one more book left in the series, and then I won't know what to read! Any suggestions anyone? SPOILERS: I still cried when Dumbledore died, but it made me smile that Spanish can still bring out such sadness, that I can understand, and understand what's being written and be affected by it, but in Spanish!

This week will be a little different for me, as I'm preparing for my summer holidays to really start. I have been extremely blessed with a host family that has the travelling bug! This Thursday I am getting to go to the famous Running of the Bulls, also known as San Fermines. San Fermines is the festival celebrating the saint of Pamplona, San Fermin (San = Saint). It runs from the 6th of July until the 14th of July. We get to dress up in the typical Navarra dress, which is all white with a red scarf around your neck and waist. I'm really excited to be able to participate in such a typical fiesta of Spain and of Navarra. On Saturday, my host family and I are packing up house, and driving to France. I still can't get over the fact that I'm in Europe and that everything is so close. We can drive to another country! We will be staying in an area called Angers, about an hour and a half south of Paris. We will be visiting Paris, and eating French bread, and growing french mustaches. (I just had to look up the word mustache on the internet to see if mustache actually was the hair that grew on your upper lip... ahhh Spanish, what are you doing to me!) We will be staying in France until the 20th, when I will be travelling to England to visit some old family friends. I'm really excited for the next couple of weeks, and will definitely be keeping you updated in what I'm doing!

I definitely feel like this year has been planned out and mapped out by God. There have been so many things that have happened, some that I've liked, some that I've definitely struggled with, but all have helped shape and grow me in a way that could have only been by God's hand. I feel so blessed to have been placed in this family, to have been challenged and to have felt so many emotions here. I have begun to understand what it is like being the oldest, and I only wish that every person could experience what I have: to be placed in a family completely different to your own, to be completely challenged by how you want to live, to be able to experience life through another culture, another language, another world view. I believe that exchange is an incredible opportunity, and is something that can only really be beneficial. I have been here for five months, and I am somewhere completely different to where I thought I'd be. I have been living for five months in a place where eating dinner at 11pm is normal, and I'm a little frightened to say the least, to enter back into the world of English speakers, and lunch and dinner at a reasonable hour for ten days before re-entering the Spanish culture. I don't know how it will affect me, if I'll prefer the Spanish way or the English way, or if I'll just fall back into my English ways straight away. I wonder if I'll be overwhelmed by all the English in England, or if I'll find it normal? I have all these uncertain feelings in me right now... which for me is exciting. I like the unknown. I like being surprised.

This post has been extremely crazy and unjointed. It is now the 5th of July, my five month anniversary in Spain, and I started this post 10 days ago. But, I hope that within the jumble you can see a little glimpse of my life right now, and a little bit of how I am feeling, and the greatness of God, and how he has guided me through my life and this exchange thus far!

World Cup Fever.

3:47 pm.

"Quick, quick, quick! The World Cup starts in 13 minutes!" We all scramble to the kitchen sink to help with the washing up of our plates from lunch (a three course meal... like usual). The clock ticks away quickly, as we rush to have cleaned up in time to watch the opening and first game of the World Cup.

3:59 pm.

We finally finish the dishes and run downstairs, turn on the t.v. and jump onto the couches, María, Ana and Javier arguing about where they are going to sit. "Shhh! The game's started!" They've kicked off, and we all watch with anticipation and excitement, twitching in our seats, excited for the game to unfold.

4:15 pm.

Laura looks around her, to find... no one. Just her, the remote, and South Africa and Mexico playing on the t.v.. She thinks to herself, "Isn't this Spain? The place that's crazy about football? The country that lives and breathes off football? Why is it then, that the only person watching the game, is an Australian girl, who is living in the country of football heroes?"

This has pretty much been the World Cup experience for me.

Sure, my family watch some of the games, but only those of Spain. I have been watching about one a day, excited, keen, loving the matches. I have an extremely close relationship with the t.v. Lot's of yelling, arguing, and throwing of popcorn. It has been a great experience for me, especially watching the Australian games, feeling proud of Australia and how awesome we are (ok... well maybe not with the game against Germany...) I got to watch the first Australia against Germany game with Mum! It was so much fun. Mum and I were on skype, watching the game together, getting annoyed together, dreaming up ideas on how Australia was going to win together. It was lovely to watch a game with a fellow Australian, to bathe in Australian pride and just generally enjoy watching the football with my Mum. I think what I loved the most, was listening to our Australian Anthem. We sounded so bogan! I loved our horrible singing, our extreme Australian accents, it made me feel so at home.

Mum and I on skype, watching the game.

For the Spain against Switzerland game, Javier and I went to Jorge's (Javier's best friend, and where Adjowa was living) house. I got Javier geared up in the Spanish flag, and we walked over to Jorge's house. There, Jorge's t.v. was garnished with Spanish flags, and we all excitedly watched the game for the first half. After the first half, Javier and Jorge got bored, so went and played while Ajowa, her host parents and I continued watching the game.

Javier wearing the Spanish flag. :)

Jorge's house filled with Spanish flags.

Fifa.com has become my favourite website, as I look at it all the time, seeing who is winning in each group, and thinking about stage two, and who will play who. I have absolutely loved being in Spain for the world cup. Although it may not be the experience I thought it would be, it has still been incredibly exciting, and I feel as though my love for football has definitely grown over the past two weeks!

It's around 11:15pm on Friday night, and I've just finished watching Spain beat Chile, 2-1. Tomaaaaa!!!! The best thing about the world cup here in Spain, is that we are on the same time as South Africa, making the times very convenient, allowing me to watch more games, than if I had been in Australia. I'm so looking forward to the Spain Portugal game, as it should be a good one... maybe I'll go to a bar to see it?

Anyway, just a quick update on the world cup, and a new blog tomorrow (I hope! Yes, I know, I've been absolutely horrible with the blog updates...)

Just quickly, I've currently been reading about living a 'zesty' life... looking for the beauty in life, seeing God's hand in it all. Today, I went to Zaragoza, and spent around four hours in the centre of the city, by myself, just wondering around, looking at the shops, listening to the buskers, when I got to the Basilica del Pilar. I've talked about the Basilica del Pilar in some of my other posts, and it is the representative of all Hispanic, all Spanish people around the world. It's extremely important. I got there, and just stood, as I looked up at the beautifully architecture of the building, of the church. A woman behind me was playing the violin, so beautifully, and I just felt overwhelmed with the beauty God had presented me with. I hope I never grow old of seeing the beauty in things, and that I'll never look at things and at the world with nonchalance. Today, I ask you to look at the world and see the beauty in the small and big things. When I see beauty, I see art, I feel passionate, I feel zest. What makes you feel passionate, how can you live a 'zesty' life? It may be having a coffee with your best friends (Oh how I miss you April and Min!), watching the football, or for me, sitting at a cafe in front of the Basilica, having a coffee, reading Harry Potter, completely blissful that I'm in Spain...

Who out there has a zest for life? Can't wait each day to come upon beauty." Psalm 34: 12 (MSG)

The ups and downs of learning a language.

"I. cannot. believe. it. It's June. it seems like yesterday was February... where did the time go? I'm currently sitting outside Javier's dibujo class, with some lollies, Jamie Cullum, and you, my diary. How is it already June???"

These past couple of weeks, have been crazy, I don't know where they've gone! It's been a lovely few weeks though. It's Monday, today, and instead of being at school, I'm sitting in my living room, writing this, because I'm on holidays!!!! Quite exciting :)

This week has been especially fun for me, as I've had yaya (grandma) stay with us. I have temporarily moved bedrooms to upstairs, and she's taken my bedroom downstairs. It's been fun, to have her in the house, and get to know her a little better. Yaya (or otherwise known as Carmen) is 79 years old, and is the cutest, most typical Spanish grandma I've ever seen. She is the cutest little old lady ever, with her cute little waddle of a walk, her wild white hair and her crazy Spanish. When she first came, at the beginning of last week, I could not understand one word of what she was saying. It would be like, "hugjskd a;lkdsjfaiwe rjisod f jkls e comer alksjfiefje" (comer meaning to eat). So I would just smile and nod. Only, most of what she would say wouldn't be a yes or no answer. Haha, the life of an exchange student! But, now that it is Monday, I am proud to say, that I understand a lot more. I still nod and smile, bewildered most of the time, but I can converse with her! She talks to me, telling me interesting (often random and irrelevant) pieces of information. Yesterday, she went for a walk and said, "I almost walked a kilometre! Do you know what a Km is?" I nodded, and told her of course. She continued undressing, and replied, "If you know, you'll know that its... 1000...?" I quickly replied with metres, which made her happy. She is a very interesting character. On her left hand, she only has four fingers. I asked Ana (my host sister) why that was, and she told me that when Yaya was young, she was making bread, and she cut her finger off in the process. I feel like everday, I'm learning a little bit more about yaya, the fired up lady, who still believes she's 29, rather than a frail, 79 year old. Two years ago, she was like Peg from Woy Woy, she was around 5 foot 5, walked everyday, played tennis occasionally, but has really deteriorated over the last two years. She still has that fire in her, and it's lovely to watch her determined to do everything by herself. When I first met her, I was a little scared because I just didn't understand anything, or who she was. Now, I am enjoying her company, I look forward to our little conversations where we both act out things because we don't understand each other. She knows I'm not perfect at Spanish, and that's fine for her. It makes life a little interesting, for both her and myself.

For me, I find knowing someone's accent is really important in understanding what they're saying. I struggle to have big conversations with people that I haven't really met before, if their accent is unusual or different. It takes time to get used to how they talk, and once I'm used to that, I can understand a lot more. My lengua teacher, Mari Carmen is from Andalucia, (down in the south of Spain) and speaks incredibly differently to the people of Navarra. Sei is seis, cua is cuatro, ta lugo is hasta luego... completely different, and in the beginning, impossible to understand. But now, I can understand a lot more of what she says, because I have gotten used to her accent, and now I can understand what ta lugo means.

I am really enjoying understanding more of this language. It seems strange and unusual at times, and I often don't understand what is going on at all... but, that's fine by me. It almost feels normal to be sitting down, surrounded by language, not really getting what they're fighting about or discussing. I'm content with just letting the words, their passion, the way they use words to waft around me, soaking in the wonder of this language, and get to know it a little bit more. But then, on the other hand, I often am sitting there, not really listening, when I realise that I'm understanding what they're saying. I was talking to Juventud y Cultura, my exchange organisation and María Antonia, my host mum, about how I often I feel like I'm not learning, not speaking Spanish well, and about how frustrating it is to feel like I'm not improving. But they both told me that in the beginning of the exchange year, you will experience a great growth in language, you'll feel like you're learning all the time, and you'll notice the improvements you are making. Then you get to the stage where I'm at, where you've had the big growth of language, and now the improvements are much slower. You will continue to learn, everyday, you'll be learning more, but it won't be that big growth you've experienced before. It definitely gets frustrating, always feeling like you're not learning anything. But then you get those moments, when you're sitting down, understanding the conversation, talking to people about day to day things, understanding all of a T.V. show, when you realise just how far you've come. So, to all other exchange students reading this, or to-be exchange students, don't worry... you are improving! It will be extremely frustrating. Very frustrating. But, you will get there. Before I came to Spain, I had studied Spanish for two years. I think I came to Spain, expecting me to be fluent, knowing everything already. But, I came and was completely overwhelmed by everything. Everything was faster, harder, and just completely different. But in saying that, studying the language has been excellent, because I already know the grammatical background of the language. That helps a lot!

Cartoons are a great way to learn the language. They speak in more simple terms, about simpler situations and is in general less complex than real life, and is much easier to understand. Now, when I watch cartoons, I understand it all, which is really fun. I do still have to concentrate hard to understand them, but the main thing is that I understand them. When I first came here, I barely understood anything. Something else that is extremely helpful, is watching movies you've already seen in your host language. I love re-watching all of my favourite movies with my host sisters, but in Spanish.

I'm currently reading Harry Potter in Spanish, and I'm absolutely loving it! I can understand so much more now, so it's more of a relaxation, a joy to read it, than a piece of homework. It was through reading that I understood, that when everyone said 'A ver', they weren't saying 'Haber' (pronounced the same way, as V is pronounced as a soft B)... this had frustrated me incredibly, as it had been about two and half months of not understanding why they kept saying 'Haber' ('to have') at the beginning of every sentence. Then, I read 'A ver' (Let's see) in Harry Potter, and it all made sense!

The downsides of immersing yourself in another language, is forgetting your mother tongue. I have only been here for four months, and this is something I struggle with so much! I sometimes sit here, writing this blog, or talking to friends, having to think sometimes for actual minutes about what the word is. I have completely forgotten the different their, they're and there, and often have to write them all down to figure out which one is best. Same goes for you're and your. This absolutely upsets me because it was something I hated people to get mixed up on (Josh Abbey!) and now I'm one of those people who gets confused! I'll often have to act out words that I can't remember, which often gets me funny looks from my family or class mates. It's exciting to think that I'm losing my language, as well as a little frightening. I have also fallen in love with some Spanish words, that I just in general prefer to use than English words, like pues, entonces, vale, pero, porque y por qué, lots of just joining words that just flow out of my mouth naturally. I love them!

Did I think that my language would be better by now? Before I left, I thought that by June, I'd be fluent. Exchange is so completely different than I expected it to be. I have to speak English to my host siblings, so there goes a large amount of my speaking time, there's an exchange student (Adjowa) in my town, whom I speak English to, my class wants to speak English rather than Spanish to me... all of the factors make it incredibly difficult to speak all the Spanish I want, meaning that English is still my dominant language, even though I'm in Spain. Frustrating? Yes, incredibly. Lot's of tears, frustration, whining calls to parents, and desperate prayers to God. But, God has placed me in this position, where I am for a particular reason. I may not learn Spanish as quickly as I thought I was going to, but I am learning, and not just Spanish. I'm learning about honesty, patience, prayer, about giving everything over to God. I can pretend to give everything over to God, while I'm here on exchange, but honestly, without God, I don't know where I'd be. I am learning that without God, nothing is possible. It is through his grace that I am here, it is through him that I am able to experience this opportunity, and it has been excellent so far. Challenging? Yes. Exciting? Yes. Unforgettable experience? Definitely.

Learning.

I have learned many things while being on exchange, from small things like your wedding ring finger is on your right hand instead of left hand in Spain, to big things like knowing and trusting that God will pull you through every situation.

Exchange is a process of making mistakes, laughing through the embarrassing situations, learning from them, and slowly feeling at home in your exchange country. There has not been a day where I haven't made a mistake or learned something. Sometimes it's as small as learning how to open a window, to discovering something about myself and the world around me.

I love learning. I love knowing all these interesting facts, how to do things, and then being able to use them in 'the real world'. I think I was worried that this year I wouldn't learn anything. I think I felt that the word 'learn' only applied to school subjects, homework and exams. I came to Spain to be surprised. I have learned more about myself, the world, and God in these short three months than ever before.

I often find myself in situations wanting to and making mistakes, 'embarrassing' myself, inorder to learn something new, the correct way to do things. I wonder what life would be like if I took this yearning and need to learn into everyday life (life outside of exchange) - how much would I learn? How far would I come if I put myself out there, willing and wanting to make the same mistakes I make here, unafraid of people's thoughts or perceptions of me? Would I learn more? Experience a different sort of life? I want to throw myself into this life I've been given and live it out, glorifying God in any way I can.

This week Adjowa, the exchange student taught me something invaluable. Our class had an English exam, so we were sitting in the courtyard of the school, relaxing in the sun, listening to music, talking about coming on exchange; about being placed in different and new places, not knowing anyone. She told me, "You need to place yourself out there - you need to talk, cevome interested in other people's lives. People always say, 'Yeah but I'm shy.' Shy isn't a personality trait, it's a state of mind. Everyone has it in them to be bubbling with confidence. Talk. Be interested in them, and they'll be interested in you."

It opened up doorways, opened my mind and challenged me. Here I was nodding in agreement, while realising that I had been telling myself that I had been shy. Shy to truly engage in people's lives, too shy to get to know them all properly. I needed to get out of this state of mind. It's not easy to tell yourself to completely change the way you have been thinking. I told myself to snap out of it, take Adjowa's advice. But the easy way of doing things, the familiar ways are always so tempting. I think exchange will always bring struggles and challenges, especially for me, speaking Spanish. I feel extremely challenged in being able to speak Spanish, and because of my lack of confidence in my language skills, I 'feel shy'... But, I know that making my language mistakes, I will learn, and become confident in speaking.


These past couple of weeks have signaled the change from cold to warm. The mornings are now 18 degrees, the days warming up to 28, 30 degrees, and I am loving putting on my dresses and walking through the old cobble stoned streets. I don't understand the Spanish. It's thirty degrees, but they still wear jeans. It's hard to try and assimilate to their culture, without dieing of the heat. Ideas? There is something about summer that just yells creativity. I have been reading a book called 'Capture Thirty Days of Inspiration' by Amanda Powell. It is a thirty day journey of creativity, finding the simple things in life, being inspired to create, and marvelling in God's creation. I have loved reading it and seeing all the wonderful things around me. Something that I have loved doing, something that I have found a love for in Spain, has been baking. Every weekend for the past month, I have baked something - mostly Anzac biscuits, but also cakes, brownies, lasagne... Seeing the bare ingredients and seeing what they've been turned into makes me excited. I don't like sweet things like cake, so I don't really enjoy eating the end result, but I enjoy seeing my creations being enjoyed by everyone else! It has been something that brings me great joy, and I am loving that my family really enjoys the things I make.

brownies I made :)

Anzac biscuits

walnuts we cracked for the brownies.

jasmine.

Summer makes everything smell fresh. Some of my favourite times of my days are in the morning, walking to school. My house is covered in Jasmine, my favourite flower, and I love walking out of my gate, inhaling deeply, immersed in my favourite smell, on a perfect crisp, summer's morning. I often feel creativity spilling out of me, wanting to stop and just look at the awesome world God has created. The other day, María and I went on a walk around Tudela. It was just beautiful. It was a lovely 28 degrees, and we walked along the river, toward the Jesus statue at one end of Tudela. We got lost, and didn't actually get to go to the Jesus, but found beautiful blossoming flowers, mulberries (I told my family about the mulberry pie I made - they are looking foward to eating it, when the mulberries are ripe!), and the longest trail of ants I have ever seen. Sharing these walks with my host sisters has been really fun, getting to know them better, learning how to be a sister, experiencing this once in a lifetime opportunity.

on our walk.

Saying all of this, exchange, particularly over this past week or two, has been extremely difficult for me. I have often felt challenged, left out, I have felt my Spanish hasn't been improving. Exchange is so much more difficult than I thought it would be. I thought it would be an easy breeze - that because I had already learnt Spanish, that I have good people skills, that I would be fluent in a week and have all the friends in the world. On friday, one of my classmates told me that I didn't know a word of Spanish.

"On Friday I had a terrible day... He said I didn't know a word of Spanish, which really hurt me. It make me feel like I wasn't respected, like I couldn't do anything, like I was a failure, like I wasn't trying. I wanted to say to him, 'Do you know how hard it is, being on exchange? I dare you to go to a country that you've never been to for a whole year, live with a family you don't know, go to a school half way through their school year, try and make friends, and learn their language... I dare you to move around the world and have everything you know taken away from you and be challenged about everything. To be away from all of your family and friends for a whole year, not being able to hug them, or run to them for comfort when you're upset. I dare you to take a year and try your best to speak a language you don't know, to experience it to the full, to take everything in stride. I dare you to try and assimilate into their culture, when your body and mind is assimilated to a different type of lifestyle. I dare you to do what I am doing, and maybe you'll see that you should respect me, that I am not a failure, that I am trying.' Of course, I didn't know enough Spanish to say that... So, I walked home crying. Ah, the life of an exchanger!"

I felt terrible on Friday, that I didn't know anything, that I wasn't learning. God works in amazing ways.

On Sunday, I went to my first Spanish church! The walk there was so wonderful, listening to Hillsong, just worshiping God for the life he has given me, no matter what challenges stand in our way. I got extremely lost finding the church, but still somehow made it to the service just before it started. I was the only person under thirty, above the age of 10, the only blonde-ish haired person, so the whole service I had people just openly staring at me. It was great though. So lovely to be sitting there with other people, other believers, learning about God, in Spanish. It was extremely traditional, (like the church in Darwin Mum and Dad) but great nonetheless. It was quite funny, as no one introduced themselves to me afterwards, but I didn't mind, because I just felt home. I was in the home of God, and to sit and just reflect on that was great.

On Sunday afternoon, I went to the park with Javier and watched him for an hour while he played with his friends. I sat, listening to the conversations around me, eating my pippas, when I had a breakthrough.

"I thought to myself, I am in Spain. I was sitting there, in the Spanish sun, feeling completely content, listening in on other peoples conversations, understanding them, eating pippas! I remember when I first saw pippas and thought that they were the weirdest things imaginable. I am here. I am in Spain. I am assimilating, slowly but surely. I am becoming my own unique Laura/Lowwwrrra and Australian living in Spain. God has got my back. That's all I need to know."

This week we are having an English exchange student, Marcus, who is 15 years old. He is in Spain for a week, and it has been great to have him in this house, because it has been such an eye opener to just how much my Spanish has improved. I translate for him and María Antonia, I see how much I have improved, and makes me realise that I am learning. That I have improved immensely. I may not be where I thought I'd be, but God has a plan, and slowly I am realising that this plan is going to be amazing, and amazing journey filled with blessings and joy, and challenges and growth. I have grown and learnt so much in my first four months (four months!!) of exchange, and am so excited for what God has in store for the remaining eight (only eight months left!!) months of my exchange.

Growing Up Part 2

Being on exchange is an incredibly rewarding experience, if only for learning how to grow up! In the past three months that I've spent here in Spain, I have been stretched, challenged and have grown up an incredible amount. I looked through my diary and saw just how much I have written the words "growing up", "challenged" (because challenges comes with growing up!" and "mature"...

"This week has been good, but I've felt a little lost... I feel like I'm crossing the bridge between being a child and an adult, and I can't decide which one I want to be! So many times I have been challenged to do the 'grown up' thing, but a lot of the time I just want to be the child, to be cared and nurtured for and not have to worry about things like money, kids running across the road, how my Spanish is improving. Sometimes I wish it was a little easier... but if it were easier, it wouldn't be exchange, and I wouldn't be on the bridge between childhood and adulthood..."

"I told myself I had a choice. That I could either be controlled by my anger and hurt, or I ould let myself enjoy and embrace the day. So I decided to enjoy the day. And I did."

"I'm looking out of the window at the clouds, marvelling in their unique shapes, and the way the light adds depth, and totally just makes them peices of art. I feel a little bit like Jasmine from Alladin. God is taking me on a magic carpet ride to see the beautiful and different culture, landscape and life of Spain. I'm seeing a 'whole new world'. And on this ride, I am learning from my creator just what it is to be human. I'm sitting in the car, feeling like I'm the only person in the world, away from my family and friends... I feel like I've been stripped bare, the only thing familiar to me being God. It's not been and easy journey, and I've had to look at myself and tell myself to learn and grow and strengthen in a way that I wouldn't be able to if I was still at home with Mum and Dad."

"I've felt extremely challenged and inspired this week. I've felt challenged as to how I want to raise my children, as to how I want to live my life, what values I want to have a priorities in my life. I feel like I am so old - since when do I start think about raising kids and things like that? I must be getting older..."

[On an article I read on influential women in the world - Michelle Obama, Mrs Gates and Queen Rania of Jordan.] "One of their common factors they all held was for their passion for human rights, equality, and using their passion for these subjects, their positions and influences in society to make an impact. Ah, I felt as if the artivles were written just for me. I felt like jumping out of my seat there and then and joining arms with them to bring justice to people and their situations. being here in Spain, when I've ever told people what I'm studying next year, they;be all been extremely surprised. And everytime I tell them that that's what I'm studying, they tell me that you can't study that at university, and that Development Studies and Culture Change is not an option for a career. But they always tell me that they wished that they could/could have studied something like that. It makes me so happy to have been brought up in Australia, and in the generation that I'm in. "You don't know what you've got till it's gone" saying rings incredibly true to me in so many circumstances - I'm so glad that I've been raised by the family I'm part of, having ahd the values and faith I have instilled in me from a young age. I feel so incredibly blessed to come here to Spain, if only for that reason, to see how blessed I am in Australia."

"I think before I left for this year of exchange, I thought, 'Well, I'm 18, I've finished school, I can drive, I've had a steady job for almost four years, I'm grown up. This year I'll definitely grow and learn more about myself, grow in my faith, in Spanish, but I'm already an adult.' But coming here, I've realised that in only three months, I've grown up A LOT. When I left home, I still relied on my parents, my friends, church, my support system for everything. They filled my every need, and I was comfortbale. So, of course, I felt all grown up. But, here in Spain, there have been so many things I've had to grow up about, and 'parent' myself with."

These past couple of weeks have been particularly eye opening and challenging, as I have been frustrated with lots of things, constantly feeling down, stretched, tired, and wanting to have my Mum and Dad with me to tell me it'll be alright. Dad sent me this email of a devotional he received, just after I had talked to them about how stressed I had been:

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10: 35-36

Do you sometimes get discouraged? You’ve worked and prayed for so long and nothing much seems to be happening. Frankly, you’re fed up with waiting. I know the feeling. One day as I was looking at a promise highlighted in my Bible, I grumbled, “Lord Jesus, you gave me that promise years ago and nothing has happened yet.”

Then a cheerful thought came to me, you’re that much closer to the answer then.

All God’s heroes experienced long waiting periods. Abraham went through thirteen years of silence before the fulfillment of a promise from God. His son Isaac waited twenty years for Rebecca to have children. Moses’ vision of delivering his people from Egyptian bondage lay buried forty years in the desert. And I could go on. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not of displeasure. Wait periods give us an opportunity to grow our faith.

Faith knows of a certainty that God has His moment and in that precise given time everything yields to his will.

If faith comes to a closed gate, she is not disheartened; faith waits without until God touches the lock and it flies open.

Faith knows some Jerichos need to be compassed about seven times before the victory comes. Kathryn Kuhlman

The race is not always to the swift but to those who keep running. They are the ones who receive the prize.

It was exactly what I needed to hear, and made me so grateful, that although my parents may not be with me physically, God is with me always.

That's not to say that because I'm in Spain, my parents don't support me in any way, because they do - they are incredibly supportive, and without their emails, skype talks, love packages in the mail, I don't think I'd survive! But, being in Spain, being separated physically by them, has challenged me incredibly to look at myself and ask myself, 'Who am I going to be today?' I've had to grow up and tell myself that I am going to experience this journey 100%. I'm going to make sure I leave not looking back wishing I'd done more.